S.6 #5 | Visiting a spiritual oasis (the Ohel)

In this episode, I recount my visit to one of the most magical, spiritual, holy places in the world - the Ohel - the burial site of the Rebbe in Queens, New York.

You will find out how to prepare for a visit, what to expect and what to do step-by-step once you get there, as well as what makes this place a holy site for Jews all over the world. 

You don't have to be Jewish to visit the Ohel, which is open 24/7 and welcomes people regardless of their religion and from all walks of life. 

You will learn about prayers and psalms recited at the burial site, and various Jewish customs. 

Mentions:

 Ohel Chabad Lubavitch

The Rebbe -  Menachem Mendel Schneerson

Tanya - book that  is composed of five sections that define Hasidic mystical psychology and theology as a handbook for daily spiritual life in Jewish observance.

Psalm 39 - a psalm of David expressing themes of mortality, suffering, and the brevity of life

Transcript

I had heard about the Ohel in Queens, NY from our rabbi and especially one of his daughters that recommended I go some time. I learned then that the Ohel was the burial site of the Rebbe. Menachem Mendel Schneerson who lived from 1902  to 1994 is known in the Chabad-Lubavitch movement as the Lubavitcher Rebbe or simply the Rebbe. He was an American Orthodox rabbi and the most recent Rebbe of the Lubavitch Hasidic dynasty and he is considered one of the most influential Jewish leaders of the 20th century.

As leader of the Chabad-Lubavitch movement, he took an insular Hasidic group that almost came to an end with the Holocaust and transformed it into one of the most influential movements in religious Jewry, with an international network of over 5,000 educational and social centers.The institutions he established include kindergartens, schools, drug-rehabilitation centers, care-homes for the disabled, and synagogues.

Moreover, Schneerson's published teachings fill more than 400 volumes, and he is noted for his contributions to Jewish continuity and religious thought, as well as his wide-ranging contributions to traditional Torah scholarship. He is recognized as the pioneer of Jewish outreach. During his lifetime, many of his adherents even believed that he was the Messiah. 

The Rebbe was known for his incredible endurance, even in his 80’s, to stand for hours, to bless people, give them advice, answer their questions, he was a sort of magical, spiritual figure that could sense for instance if a couple should get married or not, or if someone’s business will succeed. In his lifetime, he personally answered some 20,000 letters of people from all over the world. 

Most importantly, The Rebbe keenly understood that our every action is part of a bigger picture. Every good deed we do brings humanity closer to the ultimate goal, the era of cosmic perfection and universal awareness of G‑d, known in Judaism as the time of Moshiach. The Rebbe spoke tirelessly about this time, demonstrating how the world is heading closer and closer to this special era and how every person can actualize it by increasing in acts of goodness and kindness.

After learning all this, of course I wanted to visit his resting place. Whatsmore, I found out that the reason thousands of people flock to his grave yearly, besides paying him respect, is to ask for his guidance in the matters of life, to ask for his blessings and to reach G-d through him. Him having been a tzadik - a spiritual master - he serves, even after his death, as a conduit for the Divine flow of blessing, and because of his closeness to G-d, people believe that they can ask him to pray for them, to carry their message to G-d and make sure G-d hears their prayers. It is also believed that because the body of a Tzadik doesn’t decompose after burial and thus his soul remains connected to this world; some say his soul becomes even more influential after his passing, now that he has transcended physical limitations.

To prepare for myself and my family for the visit, I also read about the Ohel on Chabad.org, which gave a pretty detailed step-by-step description of the place and what to do once you got there. But my husband and I were still pretty nervous. Thankfully, our rabbi’s daughter Mushkie reached out to me just in time, walked me through everything on the phone and arranged for a volunteer to meet us at the front desk of the Ohel and show us around. Now we felt a bit more confident and I was super excited to finally visit this special, magical place. We were coming back from Scandinavia and had a stopover in JFK, so we planned to spend the night in NY and the following morning go to the Ohel. In the evening we would fly home to Cleveland. I packed modest clothing for everyone and thought about what I could ask the Rebbe once I reached his grave. It is customary to write a letter to him, called pan, in which you share the good and the bad, ask for a blessing or guidance. Most people do it right at the Ohel- they have tables, paper and pens prepared for visitors, but I decided to do it ahead of time at the hotel because I had a few moments to myself, when I could gather my thoughts and put them eloquently into the letter. On the chabad.org website, I read that there is a specific way to address the Rebbe, in Hebrew, so I copied down the words as best I could (I hadn’t written in Hebrew since college, so I was a bit rusty). ALthough this is not a must, and the letter can be written in any language, I felt that Hebrew made it more special since it’s the holy language. The website also prompted visitors to include their and their mother’s Hebrew names. I happen to have a Hebrew name that was given to me in middle school, but my mom never got one. I asked Mushkie about it and she said it wasn’t a big deal, to just use my mother’s Russian name, so I did. But at that point I realized that no one in my family has a Hebrew name, and now my goal is to at least give my children Hebrew names, which is done through a Torah reading ceremony. Once I accomplish this task, I will surely report on it 🙂

So on July 4th, 2025, Friday, my husband and I skipped breakfast because it is also a custom to fast when heading to the Ohel. Fasting is seen as a way to elevate one's spiritual state and connect with the Rebbe's legacy. After all, food grounds us, and the goal of visiting the rebbe is for spiritual growth and connection. Drinking water is encouraged though. Interestingly enough, just a week prior to that, on Rebbe’s 31st death anniversary, our rabbi and thousands of other orthodox jews flocked to the Ohel. I can’t even imagine how long people stood in line to reach the grave. I’d heard of people having waited 4-5 hours just to stand at his grave for a few moments. I was thankful that we were there the following week, because surely that would’ve been completely overwhelming for us. The Ohel is actually open 24/7 and there are always volunteers there ready to assist you. In fact, if you have come from out of town and have no lodging or want to spend shabbat at the Ohel, you can! We went around 10am and when we arrived there were already many cars parked outside and people coming in and out of the visitation center. When you get there, you see a large fenced cemetery, and then at the main entrance is the visitor’s center on which it is written in English and Hebrew “Ohel Chabad Lubavitch”. You enter into a small room that has a couple benches to sit down and watch on the TV some of the Rebbe’s talks. We watched for a few moments to remind ourselves what the Rebbe was all about, what he looked like and sounded like, and to begin to connect to him and his legacy. Before entering the next room, my husband and son put on a kipah and I recommended my husband change out of his shoes because you’re not supposed to wear leather shoes to the Ohel. This is because the Rebbe himself wore non-leather shoes there, plus This custom is similar to the practices of not wearing leather on Tisha B'Av and Yom Kippur, days of mourning and atonement. The practice stems from a desire to show humility and a closer connection to the earth. Leather is often associated with luxury and comfort, which are traditionally avoided during times of mourning or atonement. At the Ohel, they provide crocs in all sizes, which is very convenient. 

The next room was a large open space with many tables set up for people to write their letters. We didn’t know how long the letter was supposed to be, so I wrote maybe ten 6-7 sentences on a small piece of paper, but we saw people sitting there for a while, writing what seemed to be a whole essay. It turns out that you are supposed to imagine that you are in the presence of the Rebbe once you reach the actual grave, as if you were in a private audience with him, and this is your time to share with the Rebbe not only your troubles but also your successes. In fact, I read later that the Rebbe didn’t like it when people came to him or wrote to him only about their problems, he wanted just as much to hear about their blessings. So when you write the pan, make sure you share the positive too! The idea then is to take the letter to the grave, read it in a soft voice, then tear up the paper and throw it on the grave. More on that in just a bit.

Since my husband and I already had our letters written earlier, we let the kids write their own. It was so sweet to see my 8-year old son asking the Rebbe for safety and luck. That day was our first day back in the States after Norway, where practically every wall on every street was covered with anti-Israel graffiti or stickers, and Palestinian flags hung from many-a-balcony. If you want to hear more about this trip to Norway, please listen to the episode Being Jewish in Norway. I honestly didn’t realize how deeply my son was affected by the anti-Israel culture of that country. So after this, I went over to the front desk and a volunteer explained to me exactly what we needed to do. He pointed to two other rooms: one was a sort of study room with many books on shelves. I could see men and boys reading and praying in there. The other room was a communal lounge where kids were having snacks with their moms. He also pointed out the kitchen and the restrooms. He then gave me and my husband a prayer book (they have it in Hebrew, English, Russian, and possibly a couple other languages). We opted for the English and the volunteer opened the book to psalm 124 (often referred to as the Rebbe's chapter). He also recommended that after reading the psalm we find the chapter corresponding to the visitor's age, except to go one number up. He explained that in my case, for instance, I am 38, but technically I’ve already completed the year, I am actually living in my 39th year, so I would find in the prayer book chapter 39 and read it softly out loud at the grave. He said that if we had the time and the desire, we could also take with us another book - Ma'aneh Lashon- a series of prayers and psalms structured to be recited at the graves of tzaddikim. But since this was our first time ever and we had the kids with us, we decided to stick with the two psalms and reading our own letters. The volunteer then asked us to take one candle per person, a little tealight candle, to take to the ante-chamber of the Ohel, which has designated shelves for the lit candles. Since this area is outdoors, the shelves actually have sliding glass doors to prevent the wind from blowing them out. So this was our first step. We head out of the building and walked down a narrow paved path amongst many graves with Hebrew engravings on them. We reached the area for lighting the candles and each one of us did our best to light them, it was bit tricky because it was a windy day. On the sliding glass door there was prayer provided to be said upon lighting the candle, so I said it for everyone, mentioning everyone’s name. Again, in all of these traditions you are supposed to be using your Hebrew name, often along with your mother’s Hebrew name, which made me realize how important it is for my kids to obtain theirs. By the way, I did a little digging on why we use the mother’s name specifically in many prayers and I found many explanations. I’ll share just a couple with you.

1. We find that when King David prayed for himself, he repeatedly referred to himself as “your servant, the son of your maid,” mentioning his mother, not his father. Additionally, the Talmud states that “all incantations [use] the name of the mother.

Incantations are spoken or written formulas, often used in rituals, that are believed to have magical power to bring about a desired effect. They are a key element in Jewish magic and mysticism, with roots in the biblical belief that God created the world through speech. These formulas typically involve the use of Hebrew language, biblical names, and invocations of angels or divine names. 

1. Although we are almost always sure who the father is, we are even more sure who the mother is. According to the Zohar, when praying for mercy (especially when it comes to the saving of a life, as is the case when praying for one who is ill), we want to be as precise as possible, so we use the mother’s name.
2. As we pray to G‑d, we would rather invoke the mother’s name, since women usually have less sins than men. How and why do women sin less? Well, women are not obligated in the mitzvah of constantly learning Torah or observing other positive time-bound mitzvahs. Therefore, they aren’t held liable for not doing these things.
3. Although both man and woman (together with G‑d, of course) are partners in the creation of the child, the child is mostly formed by the mother. Physically, the child develops in the mother’s womb, and spiritually, the child’s Jewishness is dependent upon the mother. Her very thoughts during conception have more of an effect on the child than the father’s. As such, it is appropriate to invoke the mother’s name when we are praying for mercy for the child.

Ok, so after lighting the candles, we headed to the nearby structure - the actual Ohel. An older woman was coming out of the Ohel and for some reason she came up to me and started speaking to me in Hebrew. She talked and talked and never gave me a chance to even tell her that I don’t speak much Hebrew, but she seemed so happy and smiling that I decided not to interrupt her. From what I could gather from the few words I did recognize, she is a happy, proud grandmother, and two of her sons are rabbis. That my kids should be thankful to their mom and dad for something, I didn't understand for what. Then at some point she switched to English, put her hands on my shoulders, and told me that a woman with such light, beautiful eyes like mine should wear sunglasses on a sunny day, to which I nodded pointing to my sunglasses resting on the top of my head. She then proceeded to tell me that at the entrance of the visiting center, on the TV that plays the Rebbe’s talks, she saw footage of her own wedding some 50 years back, which she took as a great omen. Smiling and with great energy she continued to walk out of the cemetery before I could respond with a full sentence. I found her very amusing and somehow she made me feel welcome and at home, which felt good because let’s face it, most of the people that visit the Ohel are Orthodox and since my family is not, I wasn’t sure how we’d fit in. I had read prior to going there that all people are welcome, no exceptions, no matter the religion or the absence of it.  And indeed once there, we did see people that were dressed in regular clothing, short sleeves, shorts, women in pants. I guess I’d forgotten how welcoming and accepting Chabad is. I mean that’s what the Rebbe made the Chabad movement famous for - all people are sparks of divine light, and all deserve the chance to learn and grow spiritually. 

So coming back to the actual Ohel. In Hebrew this word means tent, but in the case of the cemetery and the grave of the tzaddik, it’s a monumental tomb. It’s a box-like, stone structure that you can enter and inside you will find two doors. Between the doors there are some shelves with prayer books you can use at the grave. The first door is for men, the second door - for women. Before entering through the door, it is customary to knock softly first. And at this stage, my husband and I separated. He took our son and I took our daughter and we entered through the designated doors. Once at the grave, you realize that you are once again under the sky, you are surrounded by four walls but no ceiling. It’s very interesting that this spiritual oasis was specifically built as an open-air structure to accommodate Kohanim (hereditary Jewish priests) who are restricted from entering enclosures containing the dead. It’s a rather tight space, only about 20, maybe 30 people would stand there comfortably I think. I should mention too that although the last Rebbe of Chabad, Menachem Mendel Schneerson is why most people go to the Ohel, right beside him is also buried his father-in-law, who was the prior Rebbe. So basically, you are standing at two graves surrounded by a stone border rising up to about your mid section. People stand all around, women on one side and men on the other, and pray. Some are reading the prayer books, others- their letters, many women cry, I must admit I teared up too when I read my letter and also when I read the psalm corresponding to my age. I have to say that when I read that psalm 39 I was taken aback by how relevant it was to me at this stage in my life. I will conclude the episode with that psalm, but for now I will explain a little bit its meaning. I took the first line rather literally when I read “I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue”. When I read this, it’s like my stomach sank. I teared up and I made a vow right there and then to never say a bad word about anyone in this life ever again. No more judging, no more gossip, no more swearing, nothing negative that could affect another life should leave my lips. Of course the next step is to tidy up the thoughts too, and that takes constant practice and mindfulness, but I have to say when you are consciously living in G-d’s world and in his presence, it does become easier. I am experiencing that more and more every day. So then the psalm goes on to explore themes of human mortality, the brevity of life, the struggle with sin and suffering, and the importance of trusting in God.  After reading the prayer book, I took out my note, read it, trying to imagine myself in the presence of two tzadikkim, then I tore it up and threw it on top of the grave, on top of what looked like thousands of thousands of other letters already piled up. I stood there for a few more brief moments, as long as my 5 year old daughter allowed me basically before she started pulling me to exit the Ohel. I completely forgot as we were exiting to walk backwards. Similarly to the Western wall, you are not supposed to turn your back on a holy site. 

When my whole family came out, together we came to the nearby grave of the Rebbe’s wife. There were a few letters held down by stones there as well. After spending a moment there, we went back inside the visitor’s center. There, the first thing you must do is wash your hands to remove the spiritual impurity contracted through being in the presence of death. Then you can get coffee or tea, an apple and cookies. This is exactly what we did to break the fast. The kids didn’t fast but they were surely happy to try out some kosher cookies! Finally, it is also a tradition to leave some money in the tzedakah, which we had the kids do. There is no amount too small, what matters is the act of giving.

After leaving the Ohel, I wondered how my questions to the Rebbe would be answered. I’d read that he always finds a way. One of my questions to the Rebbe was if I am on the right career path in life. I have recently started writing a book and I wanted to know if I was on the right track. Later that day I received an email from one of my older ballroom dance students that I hadn’t spoken to in at least two years. His e-mail came out of nowhere and he was interested in picking up the hobby of dance again. But for some reason, as soon as I’d heard from him I remembered that he has published several of his own books and that he would be able to not only help guide me and give me valuable feedback. I immediately asked him about it and he said that how funny that I should ask, he just finished proofreading a neighbor’s memoir, a 99-year old veteran that wrote about his life during the war, and that he’d be happy to assist me with my book.

A couple days later, I also had a dream for the first time ever, in which I was standing in front of an audience talking about my spiritual journey. I decided that these are two signs from the Rebbe, confirming that I am in fact on the right path. I feel that I have more faith than ever in G-d and in my purpose on earth, as well as the energy to continue learning and growing spiritually.

Thank you for listening, I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you have, please rate and share!

I will conclude with psalm 39. Enjoy and until next time!

1For the conductor, to Jeduthun, a song of David. |   |

2I said, "I will guard my ways from sinning with my tongue; I will guard my mouth [as with] a muzzle while the wicked man is still before me. |   |

3I made myself dumb in silence; I was silent from good although my pain was intense. |   |

4My heart is hot within me; in my thoughts fire burns; I spoke with my tongue, |   |

5O Lord, let me know my end, and the measure of my days, what it is; I would know when I will cease. |   |

6Behold You made my days as handbreadths, and my old age is as nought before You; surely all vanity is in every man; this is his condition forever. |   |

7Man walks but in darkness; all that they stir is but vanity; he gathers yet he knows not who will bring them in. |   |

8And now, what have I hoped, O Lord? My hope to You is; |   |

9Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the reproach of an ignoble man. |   |

10I have become mute; I will not open my mouth because You have done it. |   |

11Remove Your affliction from me; from the fear of Your hand I perish. |   |

12With rebukes for iniquity You have chastised man; You have caused his flesh to decay as by a moth. Surely all man is vanity forever. |   |

13Hear my prayer, O Lord, and hearken to my cry. Be not silent to my tears, for I am a stranger with You, a dweller as all my forefathers. |
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14Turn away from me that I may recover, before I go and am here no longer." |
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Mentions: Ohel Chabad Lubavitch

The Rebbe -  Menachem Mendel Schneerson

Tanya - book that  is composed of five sections that define Hasidic mystical psychology and theology as a handbook for daily spiritual life in Jewish observance.

Psalm 39 - a psalm of David expressing themes of mortality, suffering, and the brevity of life