S.6 #9 | The Saddest day in the Jewish Calendar

In the past, I attended synagogue services and events only on High Holidays, thinking that those were the only special days in the Jewish calendar. But now that I am becoming more and more observant, I am learning that there are many more important dates in Jewish tradition that I had no idea about. One of them is TishaB'av, which is considered the saddest day for Jews. 

This year, I decided that it was essential I learn more about this holy day (not holiday). In this episode, you will learn about my first experience observing TishaB'av at Chabad - what the day entails, what me must do and not do on this special day, and why it is the saddest day in the Jewish calendar.

Transcript

In August of this year, 2025, I learned about a new special day for Jews. Whereas before I only knew of the main High Holidays -  Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Hanukkah, Purim, and Passover, now, when I looked at the Jewish calendar, I realized there were many more special days throughout the year that I had no idea about. And one of them was TishaB’av. 

Eager to learn about it, my husband and I made plans to go to two of the offered services for that day in our synagogue. Since this was also a fast day, I asked our rebbetzin about the exact start and end times of the fast, and I began to do some research on this day. While I always thought that Yom Kippur was the saddest day for Jews, a day of mourning and atonement, I learned that it is actually TishaB’av that is the saddest day in the Jewish Calendar. The name of the holy days literally translates to the “9th of the month” and it serves as the culmination of the Three Weeks - a period of time during which we mark the destruction of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. What’s very interesting is the fact that both Holy Temples in Jerusalem were destroyed on this date. The First Temple was burned by the Babylonians in 423 BCE and the Second Temple fell to the Romans in 69 CE, unleashing a period of suffering from which our nation has never fully recovered. Then, the Bar Kochba revolt against the Romans in 133 CE ended in defeat: The Jews of Betar were butchered on the 9th of Av and the Temple Mount was plowed one year later on the same date.

Later on in Jewish history, many more tragedies happened on this particular day, including the 1290 expulsion of England’s Jews and the 1492 banishment of all Jews from Spain. Now I understood why this day is considered the saddest of all.

To commemorate this day, Jews fast. The fast begins at sunset of the 8th of the month Av and concludes at nightfall the following night. During this time, we do not

• eat or drink
• wear leather footwear
• bathe or wash ourselves 
• apply ointments or creams
• engage in marital relations or any form of intimacy
• sit on a normal-height chair until the time when the sun has reached its apex
• study Torah (except for the “sad” parts that deal with the destruction of the Temples, etc.)
• send gifts, or even greet one another 
• engage in outings, trips or similar pleasurable activities
• wear fine, festive clothing

What Jews should do on this day:

Starting from midday on 8 Av, we limit our Torah study to the few allowed topics that are of a sad nature or pertain to the Temples’ destruction.

We eat a square meal in the afternoon, before Minchah services. Then, late in the afternoon, a “separation meal” is eaten. It consists of bread and a hard-boiled egg dipped in ashes, accompanied by water. This meal is eaten alone, sitting on a low stool. 

The meal must be over by sundown, when all the laws of Tisha B’Av take effect.

Tisha B’Av evening services are held in synagogue, where the ark has been stripped of its decorative curtain and the lights dimmed. Evening prayers are followed by the chanting of Eichah (Lamentations).

Morning prayers are held without tallit and tefillin, since both are considered adornments. Most of the morning is occupied by the reading of Kinot, elegies marking the various tragedies that befell our people.

Having some background information on TiShab’av, my husband and I attended the morning service. There were many men at the service and only two women, me included! I sat down in one of the chairs to listen but soon realized I was supposed to be sitting in one of the tiny children’s chairs placed in the very front of the sanctuary. I remembered that we do the same on Yom Kippur. On Tisha B'Av, sitting on low chairs or the floor is a custom that mimics the practices of Jewish mourning, specifically Shiva (the week of mourning for a loved one). This practice serves to symbolize and express deep grief for the destruction of the Temples in Jerusalem and other tragedies throughout Jewish history. The low seating is a sign of sorrow and discomfort, keeping the gravity of the day at the forefront of one's mind. At one point, during the chanting, our Rabbi and his son-law, that’s also a rabbi, sat on the steps of the sanctuary that lead up to the Torah arch, facing the congregation. On days like this, it’s so strange to see them “dressed down”, wearing crocks, shirts untucked and sitting on steps. At the end of the service, our rabbi invited us to come to the evening service and break fast together. We agreed. 

In the evening, we came back and, again, I was one of only two women present. Our rebbetzin walked in for a moment and explained that, according to traditional Jewish law (halakha), women are generally exempt from time-bound positive mitzvot (commandments) because their primary obligations are in the home. In other words, most orthodox women would be putting their children to bed at this time. As for non-orthodox Jews in our synagogue, I think many women didn’t come because they,  just like me, may not know the importance of this holy day. But I was glad I went because it turned out to be a very, very special kind of service. First off, that evening, my husband put on tefillin for the first time! Tefillin are a pair of black leather boxes containing handwritten parchment scrolls with Torah verses. Jewish men traditionally wear them during morning prayers, except on Shabbat and holidays, placing one box on the arm near the heart and the other on the forehead to fulfill a biblical commandment. I hope one day my husband will learn to put it on all by himself and purchase one of his own - they cost a ton, ranging form 1K- 3K!

 So the first special aspect of the service was to see the men, including my hubby,  put on tefillin in the evening, which typically doesn’t happen because tefillin are for the morning service but due to the holy day, this practice is delayed until evening. Then, our rabbi led us all outside for Kiddush Levanah (Sanctification of the Moon), which I had never even heard of! Here, our rabbi actually told me that women never witness this ceremony because they are exempt from it, and that I was lucky to be there! This monthly ritual is recited by Jews in praise of God's creation of the moon and the Jewish people's renewal and endurance, symbolized by the moon's waxing cycle. It is performed outdoors under the visible moon, the ceremony involves poetic verses comparing the Jewish people to the moon and concluding with blessings, community greetings, and a celebration of spiritual renewal. When we all came out, and at this point I was the only woman, we stood facing east and looking up at the visible, bright moon, we sang and prayed. It was so different from anything I had ever experienced in Judaism!  Our Rabbi was happy because he says that when there is a clearly visible moon, that means blessings are coming; that many times it’s happened that you come out and don’t see the moon because of the clouds, so then you have to wait and keep coming out every few minutes to spot the moon. So I felt extra lucky that night!  

Once we were done outside, we went back in and broke fast with a Havdalah ceremony, which included juice, nuts and desserts. The whole evening was just magical and unexpected in so many ways. What I keep realizing is that I am literally familiar with the very tip of the Iceberg of Judaism, if that. I hope that in this lifetime I will have the opportunity to get a glimpse of all that lies below the surface. 

If you go to schul only on High Holidays, I encourage you to go to the less popular and less known holy days because you will experience Judaism in a whole new, deeper way! 

I will leave you today with a few beautifully written lines, the author of which is unknown unfortunately, to reflect on. Think about the difference between holidays and holy days.

 Enjoy and until next time!

There is a world of difference between a holiday and a holy day.

On holidays we run away from duties. On holy days we face up to them.

On holidays we seek to let ourselves go. On holy days we try to bring ourselves under control.

On holidays we try to empty our minds. On holy days we attempt to replenish our spirits.

On holidays we reach out for the things that we want. On holy days we reach up for the things that we need.

Holidays bring a change of scene. Holy days bring a change of heart.