S.8 #8 | Attending my first Jewish Orthodox wedding

This is a fun one! If you've never attended an Jewish Orthodox wedding, this is a must-listen! Not only will you learn about all that occurs at such a wedding, but you will walk away with tons of knowledge and explanations about Jewish wedding traditions and Yiddishkeit in general.

To find out your Jewish birthday, visit: https://www.chabad.org/calendar/birthday_cdo/aid/6228/jewish/Jewish-Birthday-Calculator.htm 

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My eBook link: https://healerheart33.gumroad.com/l/qcbgqh

Transcript

Hello beautiful soul and welcome to Love To Heal podcast! A podcast that outlines my soul’s journey from atheism to Judaism.  If you’ve been enjoying this show and would like to show your support, please comment, share and review the podcast, and of course follow me on Instagram and Tiktok. I did change my username to my actual name Yuliya Frid, because now I have more than my podcast to offer - I have my memoir, which is currently available as an Ebook on gumroad.com, and I am working on publishing a series of children’s spiritual picture books. 

Today is a fun episode I’ve been so excited about sharing! 

In May of 2026, I had the honor of attending my first Jewish Orthodox wedding. As strange as it sounded to my secular and non-Jewish friends, the wedding was on a Tuesday, as any good Jewish wedding should be, and here is why: in Jewish tradition, Tuesday is considered a highly auspicious day for a wedding because it is the third day of Creation. According to Genesis, it is the only day the Torah repeats the phrase "and God saw that it was good" twice, leading Sages to consider it "doubly good" or doubly blessed. 

Upon receiving the invitation to the wedding, I had a ton of questions such as what to wear, what to give as a gift, how long the event would be, would I be with my husband at all throughout the night, and many other questions that, I suppose, any newbie would ask. The invitation, by the way, calls for its own section of this episode. It came in the mail, like any other wedding invitation, printed on elegant paper and providing a reply envelope. One side was written in English, while the other - in Hebrew. It came from both sides of the family and read like this: It is with joy and gratitude to Hashem that we take pleasure in inviting you to join us in celebrating the marriage of our dear children. Then the first names of the groom and bride were written below in large italics, and by the bride’s name was also written in Hebrew the word “shetichi”, meaning may she live or long live. Below that were two dates: the first was the Jewish date, using the Jewish calendar, so the date was the 10th of Sivan of the year 5786; the second date was the standard Gregorian Calendar, or 26th of May. The difference between the two calendars lies in the fact that the Gregorian one is a solar dating system used globally for civil timekeeping, whereas the Jewish calendar is a lunisolar system used primarily to calculate and observe religious dates, holidays, and Torah portions. However, Jewish orthodox communities use the Jewish calendars constantly, for example, celebrating their birthdays according to the Jewish calendar. I will never forget our visit to the Orthodox schul in New Orleans, where my 5-year-old daughter became friends with the rabbi’s daughter, who was also five. When we were trying to figure out which of them was older, she kept giving us her Jewish birthday and saying the months in Hebrew, which didn’t help at all. And this year, our rabbi will be going to the Ohel - the burial site of the Rebbe - to celebrate his jewish birthday. I never knew my Jewish birthday, so I decided to look it up, and of course in our day and age it’s a piece of cake to find it, thanks to Chabad.org and their Jewish Birthday calculator. The only thing is you need to know what time of day you were born because in Judaism the day begins at nightfall. The result was rather unexpected for me because my birthday is in December, but my Jewish birthday is in June!

Ok, so getting back to the wedding invitation. Below the dates was the schedule of the wedding. First up was Kabolas Panim at 5:30PM- the traditional welcoming reception that occurs just before a Jewish wedding ceremony. It features distinct rooms for the couple: a decorated throne area where the bride greets guests, and a lively "tisch" (table) where the groom is toasted and sings with male guests. This custom is packed with meaning and joyous celebration as the couple prepares for the chuppah (wedding canopy), which was scheduled for 6:30PM. After that there would be dinner and dancing. Below this information was the address of the synagogue - one of the largest, if not the largest, Orthodox one in our city. Under that, there were the names of the parents of the groom and bride, and under their names, it said “Honored grandparents”, listing the names of the grandparents as well. When I read the names of the grandparents, I learned something interesting. The bride’s grandparents were written as Rabbi Leibel and Devonye, while the groom’s grandparents were written as R’ Moshe and Toibe followed by their last names. The rabbi title was obvious, but R’, which I had seen previously elsewhere, I realized I didn’t know what that meant. It turns out that it is short for Reb, and Reb is a traditional Yiddish honorific. It functions very much like the English word "Mister" and is placed before a man’s first name to show respect or politeness.

Prior to the wedding, I also spoke to our rabbi about it, and he mentioned that they always invited their whole congregation to their kids’ weddings. While it was a joyous and important event for their family, it was just as important for them, as our Chabad leaders, to include people like us so we could learn Jewish traditions hands-on. You see, Chabad is all about being selfless and bringing the stray Jews back to the herd so to speak. This is why we love Chabad so much! If not for our shluchim– rabbi and his wife, and his family as a whole, I would never have attended a bris, a hair-cutting ceremony for boys at age 3, a wedding, a Passover febrengen, I mean the opportunities they have given us to learn about Yidishkeit are countless, and we, speaking on behalf of my husband here too, we are forever grateful to them.

Knowing that our whole congregation was invited, in addition to the bride and groom’s families that, as you can imagine, are very large, we knew this wedding was going to be huge. I am actually not going to say the number of guests because it is traditionally taught that counting Jewish people directly with numbers is inappropriate or even forbidden. This stems from the belief that reducing individuals to a number strips them of their unique identity and leaves them vulnerable to the "evil eye" or Heavenly judgment. So use your imagination here on the number of guests.

To prepare for the wedding, I first had to find a dress! I happened to have a very modest cocktail dress with long sleeves waiting for the proper occasion, but it was all black, so I had to find out if this color was appropriate or not. I found out that black was perfectly fine, along with all the other colors, besides the brightest neons and, of course red, which I had already known prior to that. This is because red is explicitly discouraged by Jewish law since it is historically associated with frivolity and was worn by ancient cultures to signify high status or to attract the eye. Oh, and also, white, cream, or ivory colors should be reserved for the bride and groom. Now that I had my dress figured out, I moved onto the shoes. Here is the conundrum. First of all, technically, shoes should be closed toe and closed heel, unless you wear tights, which I really didn’t feel like wearing. However, again, Chabad is so accepting of everyone no matter their choice of dress, that I knew not to overthink this. I opted for my black high-heel closed-toe but open heel shoes. But that’s not all that went into the decision-making here. Jewish weddings are known for abundant dancing, so it’s important that your shoes allow you to dance the night away. Thanks to my 30 years of ballroom dancing in high heels, I knew I could pull it off that night and look pretty in my high heels. 

The evening of the wedding, I wrote out a check as a gift. The amount could have been a multiple of 18, but it didn’t have to be, I found out. But listen to this! As I was writing the check, I looked over at the number of the check, which I never do! And guess what number check it was? 613! Like the 613 commandments or mitzvot! At this point I think I froze. I was stunned at the coincidence, which of course I know was not a coincidence at all because there is no such thing! Everything is a plan or a sign from God! Sometimes it’s tricky to interpret the signs, but for me, personally, this number signified the importance of the observance of commandments. This was yet another nudge for me to take on more mitzvahs, to keep going in the same direction. Everything aligned that night! And not only this. I will tell you more in just a bit. So with the good sign, my husband and I and our oldest daughter who is now 18, headed to the synagogue. She was actually invited to babysit the numerous babies that would be there. And this girl is the queen of babies. She had babysat for our rabbi’s grandkids on many occasions throughout the years, so she was very excited as well. 

When we arrived and walked to the entrance of the synagogue, I felt like I was at a red carpet event. The dresses that the orthodox women were wearing were stunning, to say the least. They all looked like princesses. As we were walking in, our rabbi’s oldest daughter greeted us and helped us find our names on the seating chart. Dinner and dancing were going to be separate for men and women, so my husband and I each took our respective name cards with the table number and saw that we were seated with many of our Russian friends, which was great! Then we headed to Kabolas Panim reception, which was set up in one of the lobbies of the synagogue. There were very heavy hor’ dourves, so heavy that I thought maybe that was the dinner itself. Everything was set up absolutely beautifully, buffet style. There was an open bar, and at this point men and women were mingling and congratulating the bride, who was sitting on a low stage on a little couch of sorts. I learned that evening that the tradition is for women to whisper marital advice to the bride, and she, in return, gives a blessing to anyone who approaches her. In Jewish tradition, the bride is treated like a queen on her wedding day and is believed to have the spiritual power to grant blessings to others. Since this was my first time approaching a Jewish bride, I was a little bit at a loss for words, so I ended up just hugging her and congratulating her. She did, by the way, look like a princess. She had a gorgeous princess-style, long sleeve white dress with a veil. Meanwhile, in a separate room, the groom was preparing for chuppah in his own way. He is also treated like a king, but in his separate room there is singing, toasting, and lively dancing with male relatives and friends. It is a highly joyous and energetic atmosphere, often featuring celebratory drinks like whiskey. Mind you, it is an ancient custom for the groom and the bride to fast on their wedding day from dawn until the completion of the ceremony. The fast serves as a personal Yom Kippur, allowing the couple to repent for past sins, seek forgiveness, and enter their marriage with a clean slate. Knowing this, it didn’t come as a surprise when we later saw the groom looking very weak, after not eating anything and having a drink or two at the Tish (the men’s celebration). 

Some time into the ceremony, the crowd parted in two, and the groom, the rabbi, the fathers and the whole entourage rushed in for the bedeken - the veiling ceremony. This occurs just before the main wedding ceremony-  the groom is joyously escorted to the bride to lower her veil. This intimate moment acts as a "first look" and symbolizes modesty, spiritual connection, and the couple's distinct identities within marriage. I should probably mention, too, that the couple does not see each other for a week prior to the wedding. So bedeken serves as the first glance at each other, just like in the Bible, in Genesis when Rebecca veils herself as she is told that Isaac is approaching. 

After this, we were all guided to another synagogue, a Chabad schul two doors down. The area where the wedding took place is the most religious neighborhood in our city, and there are several synagogues there right next to each other, as well as mikvahs and other Jewish establishments. The grounds of this Chabad center were transformed into a lovely setting for the chuppah, which traditionally should be constructed outdoors. The chuppah must be open on all four sides. This honors the biblical tent of Abraham and Sarah, signifying that all guests are welcome. There were many rows of chairs for the guests, but not enough for everyone, so some remained standing. 

Let me explain about the chuppah -  it is the traditional wedding canopy under which a Jewish couple stands during their marriage ceremony. It consists of a cloth stretched over four poles and symbolizes the new home the couple will build and share together. First, the bride and groom are walked down the aisle by their respective parents. Then, the bride circles the groom 7 times to create a protective wall and symbolize the building of a new life together. This is followed by recitation of blessings over wine and the reading of the ketubah (marriage contract). Then, the groom places a plain wedding ring on the bride's forefinger and recites the traditional marriage declaration. After this, seven marital blessings are recited over a second cup of wine, celebrating joy, companionship, and the creation of the world. The ceremony concludes when the groom shatters a glass with his foot, which serves as a touching reminder of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and a symbol that love endures forever. During the chuppah, our rabbi, one of his sons, then one of his brothers and some other family members came on the chuppah stage to recite various blessings and give speeches. Also, our rabbi announced that during a wedding, not only the newlyweds receive blessings, but everyone in attendance is automatically blessed, and it is an ideal time to ask Hashem for help, for guidance or for a specific blessing for heath, success, or whatever it may be that you need at the moment. I asked what I usually ask for - for my children to love Yidishkeit and also for my success with my memoir that I wish to publish. The whole thing was very emotional, even for me who is not part of their family, but still part of the Jewish family - we have to remember that Jews are all one big mishpacha! If I teared up at this wedding, I can’t even imagine what will happen at my children’s wedding. Oh, and I should add, too, that the weather was absolutely perfect. Knowing Cleveland, Ohio, it could have rained, snowed, thundered, or been scorching hot on this May day, but it was simply ideal - warm and sunny.   

So after this beautiful ceremony, we all headed back to the larger synagogue for dinner and dancing. I went into the banquet hall, and was honestly mesmerized. The tables were stunning with the grand flower center pieces, classy plating and silverware, it was like a fairy tale. Already on the tables were salads and bread. I sat down with seven other Russian women from my synagogue. We had a lovely chat, I told everyone about my book (which is available as en ebook right now, check the show notes for a link), and this is where my blessing came into reality literally 20 minutes after I had asked for it during the chuppah. One of the women at the table who seems to know everyone in the Jewish community introduced me to another woman who would put me in contact with a local book publishing company. Is that crazy or what? I was speechless, still am. 

We went back to our table, and there was already a soup set on the table. After this course, if I remember correctly, I did also have a glass of wine or two, the bride came into the room and stood by the doorway. All of a sudden all her friends, a bunch of young girls in their early twenties, all got up and started passing out long-stem white roses. At this point the music was blasting an upbeat Jewish melody and everyone was urged to get up and make a sort of tunnel for the bride to pass through. The bride ran through this "flower tunnel" right onto the dance floor, and that’s when the party really began! All the women gathered on the dance floor making five or more circles holding hands. We danced around the bride, who was at first dancing in the middle with different friends, taking turns. Eventually I think everyone got to go into the middle of the circle to dance with the bride. After a good hour of  this kind of dancing, the bride’s friends brought a chair for her to sit on because she was getting tired. Again, she hadn’t eaten all day and it was also getting pretty late. But you know, you should’ve seen the bride’s friends dancing. I mean, wow, the energy, the skill, and the fun they had, I cannot put it into words. All those girls were very smart, they brought tennis shoes to change into for the dancing so they had a blast until midnight or so. At some point, we took a break from dancing for the actual dinner. They served chicken with rice and veggies, and then a variety of desserts. There was not a cake as this is not a Jewish tradition.  

Throughout the evening women and men would mingle outside the hall by the bar, and when I finally found my husband, he told me all about the fun they were having on their side of the room. They had men putting the groom and our rabbi onto their shoulders during the dance, he even showed me a video. It was crazy, crazy good! I also had the pleasure of speaking to my rebbetzin’s sister who was the first Jewish orthodox I met upon moving to the U.S. in 1998. She was the first one to invite my family to a Passover dinner and to other events. I rarely see her because she lives in Akron, which is about 40 min away from Cleveland, but occasionally I see her at community events and it’s always wonderful to reminisce and to realize how far I’ve come. From completely secular to …well observing quite a few mitzvahs!

 Around 10:30 I saw that my husband was already very tipsy, as were many other guests, and since he had to fly out for work the following day at 6am, I made the decision to leave. We went looking for our daughter and found her in the baby room with a bunch of other girls her age who were chatting up a storm. She did not want to leave because she was having a blast. So she ended up staying until the end, and one of the girls drove her home. 

When we got home, I couldn’t stop thinking about the wedding. A few weeks prior, when we received the invitation, I told a few friends and family members about it, and their response was “oh, it’s not going to be that fun because you and your husband won’t be together most of the night, blah blah blah”, but they were so wrong! This was the most fun event of the year! I am so grateful that I am part of a Jewish community in which I feel comfortable and amongst friends. If you get invited to any Jewish Orthodox events, do not skip out! You will enjoy yourself and you will learn a ton!

Thanks for tuning in and until next time!

My Book link: https://healerheart33.gumroad.com/l/qcbgqh

https://www.chabad.org/calendar/birthday_cdo/aid/6228/jewish/Jewish-Birthday-Calculator.htm